Journal

Category
  • Do What You Love

    The other day I saw the phrase do what you love in one of those pretty hand-lettered Instagram posts. (Seriously, those things are everywhere, though admittedly, I post them, too.) For the first time, perhaps, I scrolled past it that particular phrase with the priviledge of thinking I actually am. 

    Getting paid to write is pretty high on most writers' lists of things to accomplish career-wise. Straight after writing the great American novel of course. In my wildest dreams come true, I've done both now. Well, almost. Having a baby sort of halted the novel thing. But I am getting paid to write about things I enjoy, and amazingly, the company I write for "had a baby" right about the same time I did — creating a sister site all about millennial motherhood — so I also get to write about the tiny person I made who is easily my most prominent thought on any given day. 

    But it's not just about getting paid to do what I love. There's this big, wide, and often times unforgiving Internet that can read my words. If there was ever a dream in my heart to be influential — and there always was — this is it. As a wise woman told me last year when all this kicked off for me, though, this is only the beginning. 

    And it's true, because a year after the writing gig happened for me, a couple of friends and I have launched our own online magazine dedicated to doing what we love: supporting women in their God-journey and creating a place for their voices. Find us here

    Before the paychecks and whatever notoriety, though, do what you love now. Do it when no one is watching. There are countless blogs I wrote that were never read. Countless times I sat at my computer typing away for no one but myself.

    The point is investing in yourself will surely produce fruit down the road. And the wait can be just as much a part of the glory of the prize as the actual fulfillment of your dream. Just start doing. 

    And never quit. 

  • A New Blog Post (But Still Not The Birth Story)

    So, wow, it's like you become a mom and something like a blog becomes the last thing on your mind! Actually, not posting on here was somewhere in mind this whole time. At first, not updating was totally because I didn't have any time, because hello, newborn in the house! But a few months went by, and I definitely had the time to do it, but I just couldn't find the words. There is actually still a draft of a post sitting in my blog list that I started in December. Who knows if any of it will ever become part of a published post or not? 

    BUT now that I'm writing again for work, I'm like, "C'mon, you should blog again." So here I am. I've never really had a niche for my blog. I've always treated it as a sort of place to update people on my life. I'm pretty sure going forward it won't be all about being a mom though. Have you ever found yourself in that corner of the internet where all the mom bloggers hang out? It's a way bigger corner than I realized! But I do have some ideas up my sleeve for posts inspired by motherhood. Stay tuned.

    Another reason I haven't written anything here is that I sort of had this made up rule in my mind that my blog had to be chronological, and if I didn't have Talitha's birth story written out first, then I couldn't move on to something else. I do want to get that out, but I have no idea when I'll actually write that up. It just seems too intimidating for some reason. (The writer's mind is a weird one.) 

    Anyway, I've just realized there is nothing in the post worth your time. If you got this far, that's what those 'yay' balloons are for. 

  • The Pregnancy I Prayed for & the Delivery I'm Praying to Come


    (Strand of photos from my own birth hanging on the wall in Talitha's room.)

    When I first got pregnant, I wrote a few declarations of faith over our baby, my body, and my hubby. I spent the beginning of my pregnancy reading those paragraphs out loud as the desire of my heart for how I wanted things to go. As I look back over what I wrote — what I prayed — I see how those specific requests were answered. 

    For Talitha, before I knew she was Talitha, I declared:
    "You are growing healthy," 
    "You are receptive to your parent’s words," 
    "You will know exactly how to position yourself once it’s time to leave this bed," 
    "All of your parts are in order."

    She is certainly a healthy (and seemingly big) baby, and she definitely responds to our touch and our voice especially her daddy's! She's been in the "launch position," as my doctor called it, for weeks now, so she knows what she's doing there, and all her little parts were complete and adorable when we saw her on the sonograms. 

    For myself, I declared: 
    "Womb, you are creating the perfect habitat for this child,"
    "Legs, you are strong pillars to carry this new life for all nine months well. You will not tire or swell,"
    "Pancreas, you function normally,"
    "Back, you have a strength you never knew, and you won’t feel any burdensome pain,"
    "Your beauty is exponentially increasing."

    I've had probably the closest thing to a stress-free pregnancy I could imagine. I had no morning sickness, no weird things going on inside. And even though I've been pregnant during the summer, I really haven't had issues with swelling. Here at the end, if I'm on my feet for a long time, then yes, I've definitely gotten those kankles! I didn't have gestational diabetes nor have I had preclampsia. I've felt bouts of discomfort from time to time, but I haven't had any signficant back pain. I've also very much had moments where I would cry for no good reason, but my mood swings have been minimal, and I've always known I could control any harsh words if I felt them wanting to arise. Lastly, looking back, it seems almost strange that I included  something about my own beauty, but instead of feeling fat and tired and ugly like many women are portrayed to see themselves in pregnancy, I've seen a deeper side of my beauty and femininity than ever before. 

    For David, I declared: 
    "You carry revelation for your family, vision, and insight into the workings of the Kingdom for us."

    David is a deeply philosophical and theological kind of man anyway (and a huge goofball/funny man to boot!), but he told me just the other day that he feels he is constantly thinking about thoughts he feels are from the Father and receiving revelation from God like never before! My whole declaration for him was actually more overarching into his role as a father, but he's exceeded even my own expectations. He's been such a pillar for me during the pregnancy taking care of me in the night when I couldn't go back to sleep, fetching food and drink for me at all hours, giving me massages when I asked. Of course, there was a time or two when he felt helpless, and he just had to wait it out and let me cry. He's also been super supportive about decisions I made about our doctor/hospital/birth plan. He listened to me read about pregnancy to him at bedtime. He's been a real partner to me, which is the way we believe God always intended. 

    Let me just stop here, and give the Lord some praise! I'm not saying there was a special formula to get what I've recieved in this pregnancy or that my words were somehow magic. But I am saying and realizing and sharing with you that the way we position our thoughts towards ourselves and our circumstances certainly influences the outcomes. Everything good I've experienced in this is totally the work of the Father, but he chose to let me partner with Him in seeing it come to pass. 

    (One of my favorite early 20th century pieces in Talitha's room that my mom got in an antique store a few years back. I knew I'd want it featured in her room when we moved back home, because vintage vibes were totally on my mind in decorating.) 

    This brings me to the declarations I've written for the labor and delivery that I just finished the other night. Please feel free to pray these with me just as I asked in the beginning. 

    FOR TALITHA:

    You have grown for nine months in my womb as a healthy baby. You will leave this womb in health and supernatural ease. You know exactly when to begin your journey, and though you are the first to come through, your brave yet gentle spirit makes your movement a sweet adventure. You will greet us with joy and without delay in wholeness and newborn glory.  

    (Little details on the dresser: dried roses from Mother's Day and the day we found out she was a girl, a cherished journal gifted by a dear friend, floral Cath Kidston box, and origami flower made for our family baby shower.) 

    FOR MY BODY:

    You were made to do this. Just as you have endured the journey brilliantly, you will finish in victory. Cervix, you open right on time and consistently. Body, you will not be overwhelmed. Mind, no fear comes your way, because perfect love covers you. Birthing canal, you are redeemed, a pathway cleared of doubt and the curse. Breasts, you give life and sustainance from the moment it is needed and wanted. Body, your task at hand is your joy to complete without stress or delay. 

    FOR DAVID:

    As husband and partner, you are an encouraging coach and a real-time intercessor. You know how to call things as they need to be an advocate for your family. Your presense calms the atmosphere and fills it with an undeniable faith. your excitement creates a happy energy that inspres our endurance. Your love is a covering that brings freedom and acceptance from the very moment of delivery. 

    (Perfect little nook I've been enjoying her room and waiting for her in and where I've sat writing this entire post getting excited about the day I'll get to bring her home.) 

    Thank you for reading and sharing a little bit of the journey with our little family. I can't explain the way we've already been loved on so well by our family and friends and church families. From all of us, thank you, you know who you are.