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  • Week 12 + Pregnancy Declarations

    (Painting I did shortly after becoming pregnant called Baby's Spirit)

    It's a big week for Little One. Our first sonogram is Wednesday, so we'll see the first ever images of our baby! I know it won't be much of a photo, but it will be real. Hearing his or her heartbeat last week was like having evidence of the truth of this tiny person's existence. I haven't had many noticable symptoms (no morning or otherwise sickness), I can't feel Little One at all, and I'm not actually showing yet, so my aknowledgement of the baby has been very much like faith - believing in something you cannot see. 

    Things are moving along now, and I'm finishing up the first trimester. So to have these little signs of assurance comfort me. I think of it much like when we see God show up. We can't see Him in his fullness, but we see His likeness, and you know that feeling. It's like you just can't deny its Him when something impossible happens in front of your face. 

    It's incredible how in most of humanity's time on Earth, women did not have these signs of assurance this early. They could only see the child as their bellies grew and feel the kicks and movements that come later on. I think a lot about how for centuries women have birthed the next generation, and I'm sensing my importance as a woman more than ever in this time. I've always been glad I am female, but it's just incredible to be one right now. And please don't tell me I'll think differently when I'm in labor. No, I don't know that pain yet, but I'm certainly not going to dread or fear it.

    This brings me to the declarations I've been reading out loud over both my body and the baby. I've been thinking about whether or not to share such a personal thing, but I've always been so open about everything, and I figured why wouldn't I share them so that others can join me in this expression of faith?

    I wrote these on January 11th, the night I found out I was pregnant, like letters to myself and to the baby. As you read them, speak them as prayers for me and Little One. You can change certain pronouns to make sense as you read them. I encourage you to come back as many times as you want to pray them all over again. I usually read them once a week. Also, my pregnancy isn't complete without my husband, so I wrote one for him, too. Despite what it looks like naturally speaking, he is just as much apart of this process as me, so I speak truth over him, too. 

    FOR LITTLE ONE:

    You are a gift. You have destiny and purpose beyond your and our imagination. You are the first arrow in our quiver. You have a safe place to rest until we send you out from our bow with power and agility. You are growing healthy and beautiful each day. You are receptive to your parent’s words, obeying us from the start, taking the words of faith from your father and the nourishment and nurturing from your mother. You are comfortable in your place within me. You find my womb perfect for your development. You will play within its walls, moving and exploring your growing parts, but you will know exactly how to position yourself once it’s time to leave this bed. You are awake with laughter, and your eyes see Heaven. You and I are in tune. You love my song. We bless you to know who you are and to know your sonship to God. All of your parts are in order. Your mind is sharp. Your heart is courageous. You are the first one to come from us, so you are a pioneer. You make the way easier for your siblings to follow. You are never alone. You are welcomed, and you are infinitely loved. 

    FOR MY BODY:

    You are first and foremost a royal being. You have supernatural access to the finest things simply by being a child of God. You are perfectly feminine and queenly. So you reign over the operations of yourself. Womb, you are creating the perfect habitat for this child. You have glory surrounding your inner parts, and there is safety, comfort, and abiding love blanketing this child from now until birth. Heart, you are healthy and strong pumping life to all the areas of my body. Lungs, you are open. You receive the breath of grace for this union. Legs, you are strong pillars to carry this new life for all nine months well. You will not tire or swell. Pancreas, you function normally. Sugar levels will remain healthy throughout this pregnancy. Back, you have a strength you never knew, and you won’t feel any burdensome pain. Breasts, you are developing proper nourishment and you will not feel overwhelmed by it. Spirit, you are bigger by the day, and you will not be disheartened or letdown. You are an overcomer. You will be more intimate with the Father than ever before. Christie, you were made for this. Your beauty is exponentially increasing. The glow is purposeful. Many will see it and respond to its loving and nurturing attraction.

     FOR DAVID:

    You are a King with not only a Queen but an heir now. Your seed is sown, and your harvest is here. You are an involved father who teaches his child the way, who shows him the reflection of our Heavenly Father. You are a provider and a protector. You teach love by your actions and your thoughtful words. You carry revelation for your family, vision, and insight into the workings of the Kingdom for us. You are fearless and faithful. You show us the clear paths. You are respected, trusted, and honored. Your leadership is vital and always on target. You are tender in your ways. Your voice is always heard. You are passionate, and your heart and affections are for us. You walk in authority, and we always know where we stand with you. You are my partner in parenthood, and we will see nations altered by our mothering and fathering.

    Thank you for reading this post. It's special to me to be able to bring this child into a community of faith and love that I myself could not live without. This is what the Kingdom looks like. 

  • Why I'm Not Likely to Buy a House Anytime Soon

    Somewhere along the way in our Western culture, we made up societal standards of success for each other. They're like unspoken rules that govern the way many of us live. One of them is owning a house. According to the culture at this point in my life (I'm 30), I'm supposed to at least be thinking of buying a house if I haven't sealed a deal already. Already? Thirty years is no time in my opinion. I mean, hasn't it flown by like crazy? If you think about it, I've only been an adult for 12 years and statistically speaking, I'll live until I'm 80. That's at least 50 more years of adult life. And I'm expected to have bought a home in the first 12? By the numbers, it sounds a little premature to me. I'm writing this in response to seeing some of my peers close on their first houses recently, and it made me think about why exactly I'm not in that position. If you’ve been thinking about it, too, maybe something here will put words to your feelings and encourage you that you aren’t the only one who doesn’t want to buy a home. Here are my reasons why I'm not even entertaining the idea currently.

    Settling Down

    I'm just not ready. I don't know that I ever will be, but I mean, sure, maybe one day. If you're ready to stay in one place for the majority of your life, well hey, you're doing the right thing by getting a house. I recognize that owning a home doesn't necessarily keep you in one place. Many people own a home, but rent it out to other people because they are living somewhere else for some other reason. But I know that if I made that big of a financial decision to actually purchase a home, in reality, I'd want to actually stay in it, because I'd be thinking "I'm still paying for this right now, so why would I want someone else to enjoy it?" while I'd also be paying for where ever else I lived. Of course, if money weren't an issue, and I could buy a house out right to let someone rent it, well, that's a completely different story, and there would be no point to this entire blog. For now, in my current financial state, the state I'm sure many of my peers are in, I could not see buying a house as a rental property as a good investment at all. But back to settling down, the bottom line is even though owning a home doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck in one place, it more than likely means you will be. It’s basically our default thought process. For example, my housemate was discussing an idea to store some things in a friend’s garage, because in his words, “They own the house, so it’s not like they’re going anywhere anytime soon.” There are always exceptions to the “rule,” but I don’t think I have make the point any stronger. I mean, most of the time, people buy a home because they want to settle down.

    Finances

    I touched on it just briefly already, but there is no way I see owning a home as a smart money move. You always hear that renting is throwing your money away, and instead putting it into something you will own is much better. I can see that later in my life, but I still think it’s too early. I’d rather be investing in opportunities that actually create wealth for me, not just sitting on a hill somewhere. Obviously, buying a house, keeping it up and even making it better, and selling it on could return a great reward,  just like buying and selling anything, but it takes capital and a housing market mind to do that. For the majority of people, that isn’t our lifestyle, but we are still persuaded into believing that we’re doing ourselves a favor by buying a home now. Financially, for the average person my age, I just can’t see it. I don’t claim to know everything about money, but I do not want to know what it feels like to have a huge chunk of my money and future money going to something the cons outweigh the pros on for the time being.

    Maintenance 

    You know when you're renting how someone else mows the grass, fixes that leaky faucet, broken refrigerator, or well, anything else broken in your apartment or town house? Yeah, that doesn't happen when you have your own home. Yes, you can take pride in what is yours and revel in your handy ways when you're taking care of your own place, but I've found a lot of pride and happiness in taking care of the places I've rented and have had way less stress in my life so far not having to deal with the broken this or that. The thing about buying a house is it's not over once you've paid your monthly bill or even paid off your house for good. All the extras are coming out of your pocket, too, and honestly, I'd rather spend my "extra" money on other things for the time being. 

    Baggage

    This is sort of along the same lines as settling down, but what I mean here is the weight that comes along with having material possessions. Please hear me out, having stuff (and even nice stuff at that) is by no means inherently bad. But feeling the weight of their existence IS an inherent reality. Owning a home is certainly still a privilege, but it's also a responsibility. We can definitely choose our mindsets and not adopt one of fear or worry, but the fact remains: it is something that will occupy space in your brain and take up time and effort in your life and rightfully so as that is essentially what a responsibility is, but for me, that is not what I want on my mind right now. 

    Accumulation 

    This one is key for me. When I was newly married, we lived in a three bedroom home that was owned by the church where we served. Because we had the space, we accumulated SO MUCH STUFF. You don't even know it's happening. It wasn't until we moved out of that home that I realized just how much junk we had in less than four years, and it was a pain to deal with. Everyone knows moving sucks, and it's partly because we all have way too much clutter in our lives. As the years have passed by, my husband and I have de-cluttered our lives as we moved in to smaller places. Two years ago, we literally got down to two suitcases, two carry-on bags, and flew to live with family in England. Since then, we've been back in the states, but because of our circumstances, we've still practically lived the same way. When we moved across the country to California, we had a car full, and that's still the same as we live in community with other people who have all the stuff. Yes, you do have to have some stuff or access to it to live decently. Eventually, we'll get our own place again, but our resolve is the same: we never want to get into the trap of accumulation. It can easily happen when you buy a home, though, and like I said, if you know you're going to be there for a good while, then it really doesn't matter as much, but I don't want the space or availability for it to happen. 

    So there you have them: the reasons I'm not likely to buy a house any time soon.

    "BUT WAIT," you might be asking, "YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE A KID. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN'T READY TO SETTLE DOWN? DON'T YOU WANT A PLACE TO RAISE YOUR FAMILY?" 

    Because yes, I am pregnant right now, and the answer is yes, I do want a place a raise my family. I just happen to think that you can raise a family in more than one place, which is most likely what's going to happen for the Drozdowski clan as we grow. It's all about how we each choose to live and operate our lives. Some of us are a little more unconventional than others. I’m sure there will come a day when I reassess these thoughts and see if I’m still in the same place, but for now, I feel comfortable with this. Will it be hard with a baby? Yes. But wouldn’t it be hard anyway? When you know you are being led in a certain lifestyle for a reason, and you see that reason, it completely affirms your decisions. As an adult, that’s the one thing I’m most proud of and see as success: being confident in the choices you make no matter what other people are saying. Knowing yourself and knowing the One Voice you’re listening to, you can’t go wrong.

  • M+R

    I watch a light, wet snow falling and a little bird visiting the front porch bird feeder from my chair inside at my Mama's mountain house hot drink in hand as I'm thinking about how happy I am to be here. This is just a visit, but I'll move here in May. The scenery will be different outside this window, much more green and growing, but I have hope the sentiment will remain. 

    In a matter of weeks, the tone of this post is absolutely more contented than the last one. In December, I was struggling in my wait to be with my family, to touch my beloved North Carolina homeland, and to be with child. Now here I am enjoying the company of my people, the sights of the best state in the country and all with my loved ones' knowledge, love, and support of the baby currently growing inside me. 

    The truth is that at the time I wrote my last post, I was unbeknowingly already pregnant having just concieved that week. When I found out on January 11, I almost felt silly for having any of my impatient doubts. But I'm still glad I wrote that post. I'm not ashamed I had those feelings. God was not dissapointed. He and I both knew that my inner spirit was more in tune with the truth than my flesh could feel.

    The baby is six weeks old this week. He or she is this tiny little lentil-sized person whose heart has just begun to beat. I have no major physical confirmations that he or she is even there, but I'm keenly aware of this child's spiritual presence. I did know something had changed in me right after the time the little one would have arrived. He or she awakened in me on Earth already existing in Heaven, so I now have this amazing revelation of the operation of the Holy Spirit within us. Just as a baby is housed within a woman's womb, Holy Spirit dwells within the inner being of a child of God with often times no physical manifestation of His presence. But there will always be movement that will come just as their is repose. * 

    In a week, I will be heading back to Redding, California, where my husband will already be there waiting for me. Redding and the blessings I cherish once again from that city will be waiting for me to come and grasp them. I will soak up every last drop of purpose we went out there for, and I will recognize both the sadness and the delight it will be to move on from it. 

    I know there may be some interesting times still to come in our transition. The irony of recieving things you've longed for and feeling fulfilled in ways you've wanted for a while is that once you've got it, you often long again for something you used to have or for other things still. As I desired to wait well, I want to transition well. Stay tuned for thoughts along the journey as always. 

    * I got the language of "movement and repose" from a beautiful song called "Paper Hanger" by mewithoutYou.