It's not uncommon for me to get a little personal on my blog. If you've followed it for a while, you've seen a fair share of my deepest thoughts and desires. I am coming to the close of a season soon - finishing BSSM first year. I can't believe we graduate May 9th. That means it was a whole nine months ago, I was leaving England and preparing a cross-country trek that would change my life forever.
Many of the people I have met and come to cherish will be going back home for the summer, whether that be some other state or international location, but David and I will be staying in Redding. Though our surroundings will remain the same, our season will be different. We're changing up our living arrangements moving in with another couple, so we will go from a house of 6 (plus everyone's visitors) to just 4 (with more control of visitors). I am happy to have experienced living in community this year, but I will be equally happy to settle back down to fewer people in the place we call home.
For me, the summer will look like a full-time job (please, God, provide a job! I'm still in the application process), pursuing opportunities at the church as a local instead of a student, and writing. The thoughts proceeding these pursuits, though, are a combination of heart ponderings and prophetic words. (I didn't mean for that sentence to have so many Ps in it, but it turned out quite cool.) I'm preparing for something new and big, some aspects of it I know clearly, others are less tangible. What I mean to say is that David and I have been thinking of our future, and it more or less looks like this: completing second year, getting pregnant during second year (you probably know this has been a long time coming - just the idea of us actually beginning to try), moving back to North Carolina after second year (May 2015), having a baby, staying in NC through Christmas, and then heading back to England early 2016 (yes, with a young infant). I've wrapped the scenario around my heart and mind dozens of times, and it feels right with my spirit. It feels right with what I've heard the Lord say to me, too.
I'm also wanting to finish my book as I have my first child. I think God is on this project. It might be naive to imagine my first novel actually being published, but it's my dream - so I can't think that aim is too high. I've been trying to sort my thoughts on the matter, and it's hard when I live in such an encouraging culture here at Bethel, but beyond kind words from my writing group here or my obvious hope for this thing, there is a calling I've accepted to be in the coming media and arts reformation for the Kingdom. My biggest desire for my words are to be culture shifting - words that are read and then spark discussion and heart transformation. The subject matter of my novel is certainly something the world is currently craving, and I want to impact both a Christian and non-Christian audience.
It is all so massive seeming. I'm clinging to this prophetic word I got while I was in South Africa. One of the pastors at one of the churches we ministered at spoke to me of an acceleration in my life. Like something I might think would take five years, for example, would take 5 months with God, and that I was going into a scary season - not fear, he clarified - but that scariness with the Father that blows your mind, and you feel like you might not be able to handle it, but then it just becomes fun, fun, fun.
There are other words I've received that reiterate this new season of taking care of myself - seeing to my own heart's needs and desires instead of just everyone else's around me. What joy this brings me as David and I prepare to embark on something very new and not altogether understood by some closest to us. But it is this walk that we take with God, and it is Him alone who we answer to, and so we shall always consult His desires first and then our own. He likes to hand it right back to us, though, in my experience, and He happily asks me what is it that I desire. This things listed here are those I desire greatly. May God blow His abundant grace on them.